Ah yes. So many things I wanna say but I just dun think it's right to say so. Why man. I don't wanna hurt others. The way they may hurt me without knowing it. Like my bunk mates. Alvin Yap and Gabriel Wu. Both professing to be Christians. Yet sometimes being able to hurl the most vitriolic phrases around. People like Alvin, I think his religion is worthless. I feel like spitting it straight in his face. Let's face it, which Christian would regularly spout out words like f*** and c***b**? I dunno. I really dunno. And which other Christian would be able to call others irritating when he himself is irritating? It's more like being able to see the speck in others' eyes without realising there is a log in his own eyes. Ah well. I'll pray for them. Though it's gonna be tough. Man!

And yes. So much stuff that I wanna say to Maria. How much I love her, how much I miss her when I'm in camp. And how much the 3 year bond is strangling me now. How much I wanna be there for her, to support her, to guide her. But well. It still is uncomparable as to how much God actually loves her, so why on earth would I look insane by trying to blurt all these out? Yet I'm bottling it up tightly.

God help me. This is crazy.

Should I feel happy? Should I feel depressed? She's going for church camp now...

I don't know whether to laugh or to cry. Heck.

[i][b]A long time ago, before the world was created and humans set foot on it for the first time, virtues and vices floated around and were bored, not knowing what to do.

One day, all the vices and virtues were gathered together and were more bored than ever. Suddenly, Ingenious came up with an idea: "Let's play hide and seek!"

All of them liked the idea and immediately Madness shouted: "I want to count, I want to count!" And since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek Madness, all the others agreed.

Madness leaned against a tree and started to count: "One, two, three..." As Madness counted, the vices and virtues went hiding.

Tenderness hung itself on the horn of the moon, Treason hid in a pile of garbage. Fondness curled up between the clouds and Passion went to the centre of the earth. Lie said that it would hide under a stone, but hid at the bottom of the lake, whilst Avarice entered a sack that he ended up breaking.

And Madness continued to count: "...seventy nine,
eighty, past time one.."

By this time, all the vices and virtues were already hidden? Except Love.

For undecided as Love is, she could not decide where to hide. And this should not surprise us, because we all know how difficult it is to hide Love.

Madness: "...ninety five, ninety six, ninety seven..." Just when Madness got to one hundred, Love jumped into a rose bush where she hid. And Madness turned around and shouted: "I'm coming, I'm coming!"

As Madness turned around, Laziness was the first to be found, because Laziness had no energy to hide. Then he spotted Tenderness in the horn of the moon, Lie at the bottom of the lake and Passion at the centre of the
earth. One by one, Madness found them all except Love.

Madness was getting desperate, unable to find Love. Envious of Love, Envy whispered to Madness: "You only need to find Love, and Love is hiding in the
rose bush."

Madness grabbed a wooden pitch fork and stabbed wildly
at the rose bush.

Madness stabbed and stabbed until a heartbreaking cry made him stop. Love appeared from the rose bush, covering her face with her hands. Between her
fingers ran two trickles of blood from her eyes.

Madness, so anxious to find Love, had stabbed out Love's eyes with a pitch fork.

"What have I done! What have I done!" Madness shouted. "I have left you blind! How can I repair it?"

And Love answered: "You cannot repair my eyes. But if
you want to do something for me, you can be my guide."

And so it came about that from that day on, Love is blind and is always accompanied by Madness.[/b][/i]

Yes. I'm going crazy. Thinking of her. It never stops. There are still so many things in life that I haven't changed. And yet I'm still killing myself by stubbornly refusing to let go. I believe God's using these 3 years to make me change. I want to change I want to let go. I want to return. But it's so damn hard!!!

Bleah. :cry:

Was really challenged by Pastor Tony's sermon today. Like, yeah. God hasn't been the central focus of my life. But rather it's been Maria. Sheesh. I hafta get all my priorities right. Get right with God. Respect my buddy. Use more correct language rather than all the Hokkien I picked up in camp...

I think I'm coming down with the flu. Had a beauty sleep just now. But still all the stuff dripping from my nose. Bleah. I want an MC. Out of camp please. No more hateful IVs please. I've still got 3 agonising years to wait. Lemme continue harping on this. While I think of what to get for my future sister-in-law. Something made, not bought. Sheesh! my art & crafts is a total flop, you know...

So yes. While I carry on with army life. And to maintain my composure when I see her. Because I can't do anything for the next 3 years. Damn.

Maria... Oh well... At least she was in church today... Didn't get to call through to her on Tuesday and Wednesday... Because she was busy?! Sheesh. Doing what? "Dunno leh..." I give up. My new PA too. At least can SMS her next time since she got phone liao, haha...

Ok lah. I missed her again. Why is it that I always miss her if I dun see her? Damn... So dumb. I've still got 3+ years to wait for her... Dun even know if people like Keith or Ian will beat me to it...

But I shall wait. With faith. While I scratch my brain on what to buy to please my future sister-in-law. Haha.

Meanwhile I shall go bug Qian Bian, Wei Qi, Li Chin and Hui Fen. Tata...

Well! Finally saw Maria today... AFter like 2 weeks... Aching to see her only man... Finally she's given up on wearing contacts! She looks cuter with specs... Hehe... Those frameless ones especially.

Well. Wei Qi's bag got stolen yesterday. Poor thing. Hope she can somehow find it back. But how, I also dunno...

Next week can start chionging loh... I very happy... Chiong with stretcher and casualty on board...

Why am I writing in such short sentences and paragraphs? I really dunno...

I think Christina can relac abit now, cos I'm starting to up my level of pian xiao hai on Qian Bian... So Hui Fen won't kena that much pian xiao hai by me as last time, haha...

I'm just waiting for Maria to get a new handphone. Then can do my ultimate pian xiao hai move on her. Waitaminit, I don't have an ultimate move yet. Haha. Lame. Bye.

I guess I'm gonna freak out soon. IV tomorrow with a Yakult size straw, yucks. And my bobo buddy doesn't seem to make anything better. Argh. And Maria's not going East Coast this Saturday! ARGHs.

OK lah. At least got someone called Christina to push in. Or help me push people in. People like Qian Bian, Wei Qi, etc etc. Those whom I usually do my pian xiao hai thingy on, haha...

Haven't met my schoolmates in quite a while. All my xiao meis... My jie... My classmates... My other good friends... I miss them! ARGH... Haven't seen them for so long... And this dratted army is preventing me from doing so, sheesh!

Mama Maria! I'm gonna hate tomorrow...

Maria Maria, d'ya know how much I'm missing you right now? A lot, dammit. Sometimes I wish I'm just right there where you are. To laugh with you, to cry with you, to go through everything with you. To be there for you, to support you. But I can't. Damn.

Basically the army sucks. I can't even find a public phone to call you. And my handphone bill's gonna explode soon. You don't have a handphone too, how to sms you like that? I wanna talk to you so much. Ah well. Suck thumb, sit in corner and sulk. No choice right.

And today you're still on cruise. Can't see you the entire week. Give you my encouragement and all that for your midyears, which are like starting tomorrow. I just miss your smile. Your braces. Your blurness. Your cuteness. Dammit. I keep thinking of it every time too. Depressing. I'd rather see the real person in flesh, not in memory. Darn.

I miss you.