1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
Gotten baptised.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I am gonna lose more weight, and keep my hands off someone.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Hmm. My lil girlfriend found herself a baby brother. And she's 5 this year.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope.

5. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
Nothing. I'm pretty much contented with what I have.

6. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
My birthday, and someone else's birthday...

7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I managed to get through an interview to get me to the rank I am now. No matter what crap I get, hey. The pay's good... But not yet. Soon.

8. What was your biggest failure?
Being a big mouth? It's always been my biggest failure. Plus, acting like an idiot in public. I never fail not to do that.

9. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Flus, colds, etc... Not much seriousness.

10. What was the best thing you bought?
Someone's birthday present...

11. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Hmmm? Definitely not mine.

12. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Hmmm... That was last time... I've forgotten all about it loh.

13. Where did most of your money go?
Playing pool! Oh no...

14. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
About her? The way she behaves... It's just so exciting.

15. What song will always remind you of 2004?
Everyday

16. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier.
b) thinner or fatter? more muscular? but heavier still.
c) richer or poorer? richer... of course, I do get paid.

17. What do you wish you'd done more of?
more of NOT thinking about her... more QT... more prayer!

18. What do you wish you'd done less of?
burning my brains on the computer.

19. How did you spend Christmas?
sleeping. I'm a lazy bum ain't I.

20. Did you fall in love in 2004?
Yeah, before Valentine's Day...

21. How many one-night stands?
None, duh. Dots!

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Didn't watch much TV.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Zilch. Erased.

24. What was the best book you read?
Clive Cussler's Odyssey something...

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
My Hillsongs collection!

26. What did you want and get?
Food and more food... I'm a pig.

27. What did you want and not get?
love? I'm still forbidding myself...

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Kung Fu Hustle! So far the only one I've watched this year. I've got no life.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Played beach volleyball at Sentosa, and got sunburnt. Just turned 19!

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Getting to know her earlier...

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
Do I have any fashion sense in the first place?!

32. What kept you sane?
I was never sane.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Maria Sharapova! Woohoo... And Fiona Xie...

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Politics? Huh?

5. Who did you miss?
All the time... That one...

36. Who was the best new person you met?
it's that someone again.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson.
always cover your rear. do anything and don't get caught! otherwise like me kena jialat sign 3x extra and clearing 1 today...

Doing my first duty of the entire year... How fun can that get? Really... Instead of partying all night long I decided to be a good boy and sleep at midnight... Now I'm in camp, in the midst of taking over a duty that's gonna be slack throughout (or so I hope). The beauty of public holidays.

As the new year fades into oblivion, in the light of the current crisis that has just happened; killer waves sweeping the coasts of many countries and claiming all the lives... I'm confident there'll be a huge soul harvest this year. Such disasters will inevitably bring those seeking Him to find Him eventually, as they make sense out of the question bugging them since the beginning of their lives, "What on earth am I here for?" and that will be well-answered. It doesn't need any words. Just the love of God.

And this being the post-Christmas season, it's still time for us to spread the love of God. Just let Him work. And you do what He wants you to do.

Joel.

Blogging... It's so darn irritating when your comp is down and you're just waiting for the new one to come.

Was watching MVP Valentine all morning, and I've just come to realise I actually like that show, especially when it's all about basketball... And I've only like watched it once or twice before? Man. Japanese/Korean/Asian sob shows... The first one I actually liked was Great Teacher Onizuka... Used to burn my brains every Sunday watching it... Haha.

Well. Tuesday went out pool with Ah Ming and realised he;s going to go to Indonesia as part of Singapore's medical team... How fun can that get? Absolutely. And yet my rank is still too junior to go... They're looking for 1SG and above, all regulars... Bleah. No NSFs. And they're wondering why NSFs don't like to be in the army. Strange ain't it?

Speaking of Indonesia, 76000 dead and more still to come. And next people will question why God will allow this sort of catastrophe to happen, why so many innocent lives are lost... And yet God up in heaven is also shedding tears for the lost in eternity because He loves them and yet they missed the opprtunity to know Him, to make that one personal decision...

It's never too late. It never is.

Joel.

Yeah. And I only went 2km yesterday, at a pace slightly faster than normal. Plus a gym workout. And I'm shagged! My fitness level has definitely dropped. Even with the beach volleyball and sun baking on Sentosa... Bleah. Time to go for more PT liao. Otherwise IPPT sure die again.

And the beginning of the new year marks the start of my first duty... Ole. Nevertheless I'll go into 2005 on a high. I'm ending 2004 with a bang, one of my most productive years ever considering I wasted almost all of my time in secondary school & JC slacking. It was fun with the guys in JC, basketballing, early morning chin up regime, etc. But now everyone's separated. And only reunited by ORD around 1.5 years later... Firstly Mao, Jit, Weiquan, then me, and Cavan, Junrong, Sam, Ruisheng... Well. Gonna be a long time soon.

And in church: I'll find more ways to boost my productivity. Something in me tells me I'm not doing enough because I have more time than that to be fully utilised. I just wanna know what I should do and what I can do and where I can fit! I need God's guidance on this area... *Blur*

I'm poor for the rest of the month until 10th January. Pay rise! 70 bucks is quite significant...

Joel.

It's supposed to end on 3rd January. But what's a nice unit like 470 SAR turning up right after Christmas and just before New Year? They'll be totally sian and so are we. But still, training must go on, regardless of when it is...

Just that after the lull period I don't think I can convince myself to work again. To go running and torture myself physically, I think I can. Heck, this so-called lull period has made me feel busier than ever. When all the arrows start flying... It's time to exit the office.

The weekend break's starting on Wednesday and ending on Saturday morning... New Year's Day, back in camp doing a duty that doesn't even feel like one. How fun can that get? Sleeping, playing the computer, it's akin to a confinement with all the leisure items thrown in.

Meanwhile... I still don't have much plans for the week. Don't think I'll go out and have Earthquakes with the toots... Time to give the stomach a good rest after all that eating on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

Chill.

Joel.

After the significantly long weekend (stretching from Wednesday till today), I feel I can go back to work and handle all the administrative junk piling up everywhere. WITS projects, training adminstration forms, regimental duties, extra (bleah!) duties, and training outside of camp. I think I'm ready to work. For January. But who knows how long it'll last? Skali by Feruary I'm down and out... And half dead. I'm still not looking forward to next week's New Year's Day duty though there's nothing to do. I'm just thankful it's not GUARD DUTY...

But oh no. I think I'm starting to think too much of Huang Xin again... Bleah.

I'm just waiting for the New Year to come. The love of God to unfurl itself in many new, creative, delightful ways. After all, the full measure of it hasn't been poured out yet. God's love is boundless indeed.

Today's worship was... Great. Played till sweating like siao again... My goodness. I think too havoc liao. But still, perspiration all over. Ole. Yeah. I'll be waiting. For the Spirit to pour out, for God's love to be released in a never-ending sweetness, for people to come taste the goodness of Christ and not turn back. The New Year has all these prospects. But can I seize the opportunity when it comes to make it count? or will I fail to hear the voice of God's prompting in these circumstances again?

Help.

Joel.

Hangover... While Christmas Eve turned into Christmas itself... I have a feeling that I'm gonna do this again for New Year's Eve, just that New Year's Day will be spent in camp on duty.

I ate quite a lot last night. I think I'm getting fat.... :-(

It's Christmas Day... The official day of the birth of Christ! And it's a Saturday... Got a lunch later at my godmother's place... More food. I'm gonna get fatter still. With a nice tan colour now, though...

This is Christmas. Almost the end of the December month, and back to work again... Bleah.

Training does suck. Especially when it's the same old content again...

Joel.

Only slept at 1am last night... Well. Tomorrow's Christmas, a day to celebrate Christ's birthday... But still, Christ's birthday should be celebrated not once a year, but rather all the time. Why would someone choose to die for the whole world just because He loved us so much? His birth should be celebrated all year round, and not be commercialised into a time of just buying and giviing presents because everyone else is doing it. It's the birth of Christ, the most special event in the past 2 milleniums.

Tonight, party... CG party at my best friend's house... Eat eat eat. Pig out pig out pig out. I'm getting fat...

Next week: Swensen's. Oh no... Anyways... I wanna go watch Kung Fu Hustle... Soon.

Joel.

Yeah... And not too much sunburn today. I'm at Maddy jie's house now, watching the rest of them playing mahjong. And I don't gamble, thanks alot...

I'm not sunburnt! And my volleyball skills improved slightly... But it's super tiring lah. I think kena stung by jellyfish in the sea just now...

Yesterday, went Huang Xin's house... And her mum was nice to offer me dinner at their place... Yeah. Spent my afternoon down there... Viewing her prom pics... And though she said she looked ugly... Well, in my heart she's the most beautiful lady around. Yeah. And that's the honest truth. Seriously no one else can compare.

Had worship practice last night, and I think that worship's gonna be great... I do want the Spirit to move about... Yes. His presence is that powerful... We'll just see what God does!

Joel.

Is a very dangerous area to skirt with in the very beginning. It can bring on the wrong intentions and lead to ill desires preconceived in the sinful nature of human thoughts.

Which is why, I'm stopping... For good. For my own good, for the good of others, for the love of mankind (a little too far-fetched, though). One can't be in 2 places at once. It's just like our relationships with God: One can't serve God and serve Mammon at the same time. Choose one or the other. I shouldn't flirt with girls like this, it's wrong... Leading to sinful desires, opening the way to attack from the spiritual realm... Now why should I choose to go through this sort of crap when I can simply avoid it?

Which is why, I'm sticking to my original choice still. Regardless of the mixed feelings, I'll stay there. And there I'll be. That's it.

Such an unsuspecting environment, on a nice warm afternoon... And it just brings this simple truth right into my head, and down to my heart. This is what I'm gonna do.

Oh yes. I'm not gonna be gay any longer, too.

Joel.

Stuffing myself with vanilla rolls for breakfast. I'm addicted to it. Though it can be extremely fattening and I've just downed 4, but... Heck. It's good.

Over the weekend there's been some pre-Christmas celebrations, which does make me think of why God would want to send His Son down to this depraved earth for us. He could've been relaxing in paradise, but no, He chose to come down and take on human form and ultimately die for us because He loves us with that much love. It's difficult to comprehend it myself, either, but that's how much God loves! And the way He died on the cross, the slow, excruciating pain which criminals had to face (and He was considered a criminal for our sakes!) just before death lingered... And the way His Father didn't want to see Him taking on all of mankind's sin upon Himself... That's the noblest act of love in the world today. And that's the whole Christmas message. To love. To give freely what you have to others. To share the joy! It's such a joyous occasion.

Yeah. Including sharing my vanilla rolls. Though no one exactly wants 'em.

Christmas is coming up, and I haven't gotten anyone anything yet... I shouldn't be getting stuff for those who have, rather, I should be getting stuff for those who don't! The underprivileged, the needy... And I'll feel it more worthwhile this way.

Cheers!

Joel.

Not blogging from home on a beautiful Saturday morning. My comp's down. bleah. At my best friend's house, having a lil hangover after my birthday yesterday...

Hmm... Yesterday morning, woke up super late, couldn't hear my alarm clock (programmed for 8am) and only got up at 9am. Woohoo... hung up my clothes from the washing machine to dry (I'm doing housework for one of the rare times in my life!) and zipped out of the house at 0925. It was insane! I still managed to get to HarbourFront at 1010, thanks to the super efficient NEL... Late by 10 minutes, though... Had brunch at Seah Im hawker centre... Fish soup at $3.30, quite filling till about 2.30 in the afternoon only, though.

Next went into Sentosa, and we went to Siloso beach... To play beach volleyball, but not on the courts down there. It's darn expensive you know? $30 an hour!!! Bleah. Played near the beach, played soccer on the beach, and finally bo chup played soccer on the beach soccer court, thank goodness no one chased us away. Cos it has to be paid for too. But heck, army boys are army boys, in any case...

Jackson, Mark, Yongsheng and Kwong Ming all whipped out their phones... To get numbers from bikini-clad "babes". Which I find ridiculous. Why? Because they really cannot make it lor... Nothing nice to see at all lah. My piggie's much much much cuter than all of them combined together...

Had dinner at Pastamania, in my super fried complexion... I'm as red as a lobster + chilli crab combined man... Right now, my shoulders are still hurting and I'm emanating heat at a rate of 2.3W. Pastamania food is good but the portions ain't filling. And I forked out $10...

Went down to Toa Payoh to get back my camera from my lil piggie just to realise that she was out with it... Man! Then met her at Toa Payoh with Jo-an and watched her write cards till 2145, and we took a train down from toa Payoh to Changi Airport... Waited for the MOB team to appear, which took 1 hour... But finally my no 1's back... Safely and in 1 piece!

After they arrived, went back with parents and best friend, and had supper... Hor fun! Good stuff...

And I collapsed into bed only at 0130, 191204... Now I'm awake already... I wanna sleep more! Haha...

Joel.

Every new day,
Your glory unfolds.
Filling my life,
With Your treasures ontold.
The beauty of holiness brings worship anew,
My greatest love is You.

Yesh. It's taken me [b]3 DAYS[/b] to realise that baptism isn't one-off. In fact, that satan's legions will choose to attack recent baptisees (if there's such a word) even more because they're the ones to stand out after taking a step of faith by publicly declaring their beliefs.

My old demons are coming back to haunt me... Again. And yet again I know I have the hope in Christ. The old verse keeps coming back to my mind "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me!" Yes. The devil and his minions cannot do anything against the blood of Christ. I will not let myself down. I know I've let God down too many times already. And yet He still loves me. With that unfathomable depth of love that washes my sins away, in His infinite grace and mercy. Praise the Lord!

In the end... I'm losing focus when I'm blogging. I'm going to Sentosa tomorrow. Whoopie! My birthday...

I'm gonna be 19... And suburn myself playing beach volleyball... I do wanna look like a lobster when I'm doing my SAS duty on Monday! Haha...

Joel...

Blogging in the office when no one's around yet... The body wants to slack but the mind wants the body to be garang... How can that happen? No way lah... Istill need to run and from the looks of it I won't be able to run...

Jiayang's in here for the next 10 weeks for his medic course! Woohoo... And Shiling's back from attachment, here till the 22nd...

My birthday. 2 days away... And I'll be enjoying myself in Sentosa...

While I clear my extras for next month. And my regimental duty for this month falling on the 20th... Sigh. At least it's not on the 19th. I'm playing on the 19th and 26th! Haha...

I'm having mixed feelings about someone still... Dumb me.



And after this I'll stop writing about someone lest more stuff gets out and is circulated among that guy's friends...

I SHALL STOP BEING GAY.

Why is all this so crappy, especially to me? Well... That's how I behave to those I consider are closer to me, no? Oh well... To prevent unsavoury remarks tainting someone else's character... I'll stop. And that's it. Period.

Joel.

12.15.04 (5:48 am)   [edit]

Apparently my last blog didn't materialise. So I suppose I'll have to cram Wednesday-Sunday in 1 gigantic entry... Hopefully not too gigantic though.

Wednesday: Started behaving like a rebel. After the euphoria of signing 3 extras was over, resolved to slack all the way. Booked out and arrived late at Park Lane to play pool with Ming... And got back to camp super late, around 11.30pm. I'm getting bad. It's my first post-11 book in... Usually I'm in by 10 lor.

Thursday: Went out with Ming again. And Shiling came later. And I was unfashionably late so Ming showed attitude. Too bad, it's my fault that I'm late anyways. Played pool again... Nothing better to do mah. It's lull period in camp and there's nothing to do in camp except sign extras, apparently... Got home around midnight, amidst more crappy jokes from Ming & Shiling the whole night.

Friday: NSTW chalet! Didn't push Fei Ma into the sea though, neither did we skewer and barbecue her. Too much excess food already, even with the already-ORD trainers coming back for some free food at our expense... Still too much. Left at around 11, got back at 12 midnight... Again.

Been getting back really late the past 3 days, and still trying to do QT in the middle of the night, though it's really difficult to keep the eyes open...

Saturday: Woke up at 0645 to the tune of parents making lots of noise, couldn't sleep after that. Had to play at worship in church in the afternoon and I'm struck by how uncooperative and unusally loud I can get, no matter how hyper I seem to be now... Cut my hair to superly short in preparation for Sunday's baptism and borrowed a super interesting book by Clive Cussler: Trojan Odyssey. Man, couldn't stop reading it till I finished, which was around midnight... Again.

Today: Super high mood. Though my lil one managed ot get my camera battery charger spoilt in Korea somehow... But I just can't seem to get mad at her. Good or bad? I don't know. Stuffed myself with chicken for lunch and chilli crab for dinner, seems like I've gotta go on a diet tomorrow, and run more. No matter what, today's food was great, worth that I skipped breakfast cos I was too lazy to find something edible around...

Now I'm officially a memeber of the church of Christ, and I know that there's no turning back. I've been blessed throughout this year by people and by God, and I'm just prepping myswelf for next year. For what? For whatever God calls me for. And I'll be operationally ready...

Joel.

Yeah. I failed it. Darn. 5 more chin ups... 5 more! And I passed my 2.4km by 7 seconds, thank God... 12.13... Somehow, I just managed to pass it... Dang.

My neck's aching as a result of this morning's IPPT and I don't even know why... Ouch. Don't think I can play pool properly later liao... Bleah.

But I'm proud of myself. I set a few personal bests in today's IPPT. Today was the first time I passed my 2.4, jumped 225 for SBJ and did 1 chin up and shuttle ran 10.38 secs... All personal bests...

Wonder if Shiling's still sick...

So far this week's been great. Everyone's in holiday mood. Except me, still brooding over the 3 extras signed yesterday... Bleah. Bleah.

Joel.

Too much to stomach for a normal lunchtime where there's no training. Really. I'm suddenly just brought back down to earth again.

Yes, I'm gonna sign 3 extras. It's rather stupid, I know. The reason being that I'm unable to listen to instructions... Not just me, but my 3 other gay buddies too... Yeah. Just being plain dumb. By playing pool in the mess when it's not the appropriate time to do so, we're basically just being sitting ducks for signing extras.

I don't know when I'll do it, I don't know what I'll do. But surely at least 2 of these extras will be on weekends. I do hope that even during the weekends when I've got nothing to do in camp, I'll be just reflecting on my sheer idiocy and pure dumbness. I've gotta stop this stupid stuff. It's the first 3 extras that I've signed.

And I've got IPPT tomorrow. Will fail it anyway, I'm taking it just for the sake of taking it. My lil one's overseas right now, with my bao bei camera. How drab can life get this week further? However I'll bounce back from it, I'll assure... This sort of thing is nothing!

Joel.

Somewhat prematurely though. God works in wondrous ways. That within 1 day there was a paradigm shift in me, I grew from disliking being in camp to actually loving being in camp. To those I disliked and detested I actually managed to break the ice with them again, thank God for that!

It's been too long. I've been closing my heart to God for too long. Like my no 1 says, it's time to open up, it's time to allow Him to work through my heart again. To be receptive to His Word, to not turn away from Him... Sometimes it's more of me turning away and making it difficult for Him to reach me and all the while I'm thinking that's He's the one who's distant... I am so darn wrong.

Sang myself hoarse... Now I've got almost no voice left. We were just going bananas yesterday, dancing, jumping, yelling at the top of our voices, all in the name of praising God! God is great!

In camp right now, wearing green again... I still think I've left it too prematurely. At one point where I just wanted to get out of there to get back here, and now... I wish I was back there for the last day too. I think God's really working among the younger ones. The outpouring of the Spirit is so strong, you can practically feel it. People crying their hearts out, kneeling in adoration... I do hope that for them it's not a one-off experience. So they've been touched and that's it. No. It involves more growing, a lifetime spiritual experience with their best friend of all!

My lil one's flown off to Korea with my lil bao bei (read: camera) in tow, and I do hope that she takes ultra-good care of it and brings it back in 1 piece, mainly because it's not insured and I still owe my mum $400 for it. Uh oh.

Joel.

And I'm done with the BCS training for 433 SAR. Yesterday's training had to be crammed into today, because of the darn training programme problems. But it was fun learning how to sling loads under helicopters... Yeah, 433's going to Wallaby next year for ATEC and they're gonna cross rivers with helicopter underslung loads. Weird ain't it? An armoured battalion using helicopters... Wow.

Last night went out with Ming ge to Bugis, then we walked to Paradiz Centre and played pool. Just the 2 of us go gay... Talked about lots of stuff. Darn! He's crappier than me! He's the Chinese version of me lor. And we gayed from 7 to 9.30... Pool all the way. At $9.80, quite ok leh. And he paid lah. SCDF regular leh...

1 more day... And it's almost the end of the week. I'm still not looking forward to youth camp, and I don't think anybody actually does give a hoot about it anyways. I'd rather spend my weekend doing something more productive.

Where's my life 3 months ago? Darn.

Joel.