Yesterday was crazy! Absolute madness! Bowled 4 strikes & 3 spares en route to a 163, I don't even know how I managed to do that.

And got back to camp a few minutes before midnight, the first time I've seen someone travel from Kovan to Yishun in 9 minutes... Muahaha.

I'm still tired. Slept at 12.30, woke up at 7.15... But high! I haven't eaten breakfast, I'm hungry, and I want to sleep more... Grr. At least I did QT. But before I could pray I KOed... Oh no.

I think I'm addicted to KOF on the computer now... Sigh!

Tomorrow is April Fool's Day... Should I play some practical jokes? Muahaha. Though I don't think it'd be appreciated by anyone in green though. But at least it's the end of the week, with 1 dumb duty on Sunday. Erk.

I think I'm being rather too involved with bowling & billiards... Gotta find a wiser way to curb my spending! Hmm... Left with $35 till pay day only... Which is like next Friday. Freaky. And we're goign out East Coast next Sat, phew. I can still buy my ice-blended mocha... With cream. Woohoo.

Monday and Tuesday next week are gonna be crazy. Hope I can live through it man.

Hehe. I love my baobeis! ALL of them...

Joel.

Today... The celebration of His resurrection! And year by year I'm still wondering why I'm treating it like any other normal day just that it's a nice refreshing long weekend for me...

To actually delve deeper into the heart of God... That's what I'm trying to do now. But gratefulness doesn't come spontaneously on my part. Heck, it's difficult for me to be thankful 24 hrs a day unless someone reminds me... Seriously.

I love God, I love Jesus, but am I totally committed to Him or are my desires more worldly than anything else? I dunno.

My attitude's atrocious, my behaviour's getting bad. I need to do something about it again. I dun want a deja vu like last year! Erk.

Joel.

I'm starting to get all PMS-y and all... What on earth is wrong with me again? Dunno. This is strange. Super strange. Why...

Grr... I'm being tested on my patience again... And yet God continually gives me the same old trials. The more I hate it the more God wants me to pick up a certain lesson. Hateful, but absolutely necessary.

Bleah. I'll have to work on it!

Patience is a virtue. But I'm getting rather impatient and easily pissed. Oh no.

Joel.

Today, trying to find my no 1's birthday present. Wahahaha... Realised I haven't gone out shopping for too long already! Oh man. Then there's still other peoples' birthdays coming... Argh.

Today is Good Friday. Marking the death of Jesus Christ. Having a medically trained doctor speak to us today (he's a cardiologist, man...) really shed some interesting light on Jesus' death.

That piercing the side of Jesus and bringing forth a sudden flow of blood and water... Jesus died of heart failure! More specifically, congestive cardiac failure, where he first underwent pulmonary edema before his heart gave up together.

Born of the Spirit into a fleshly body, Jesus was indeed the human embodiment of God. He lived as a man and died as a man. Just for us pathetic selves!

"God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son to die on the cross for us, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him!"

Amen to that. And by His love our souls are saved. If only we believe.

Joel.

What should I do? Do things the by left or the by right way? Had a talk with Mark just now, and realised the need for myself to teach more stuff and not be so slack by simply doing paperwork...

And tomorrow... Erk. It's a sleight of hand performance, but that's what the senior says to do... He's the team I/C so I listen to him right? But I know it's wrong, and yet I shouldn't do the right thing because it'd jeopardise us all...

Grr. The SAF. Perfect way of getting headaches, what with the ISO and all.

"Do not merely look at the word, and so deceive yourself. Do what it says."

And so what? Be truthful and go back, or obey my senior and stay away?

It's problematic. The beautiful Army guarding the country.

Joel.

I have officially designated it as my jian fei week. I hope it works. To quote from my no 2's blog... "I look at the mirror I see a corpulent body desperately trying to fit into the margin of the mirror." I'm feeling almost the same way, just that I don't have to look into the mirror to see that I'm a rather oversized schlub!

Well whatever. This whole week will be focused on prayer, to listen even more to the voice of God, and to feel his intimacy wrapping around me...

To my no 1: God's delighted in the way you serve Him, and He wants to bless you even more richly, so carry on the good works! Well, at least that's what He said last night...

To my no 2: He that is in us is greater than He that is in the world! Ok, baobei?

To my no 3: I still couldn't decipher what on earth the heck is LGD, but it definitely ain't Loving God Disorder, I don't think so man! Continue jumping... Hehe. And dont't cry over your cello...

To my 3 baobeis together: STUDY HARD.

Or else no more reward from me after you get back your results. :P

Joel.

Heh. Just indulged (or rather, engaged) in one whole session of Planet Shakers worth today. For $20, no meals provided, hmm...

Today was interesting. Engage in the prophetic. To really listen to God's voice, these need to be achieved. i) 100% obedience, ii) faith, iii) tons of prayer, iv) meditation. Yeah. And prayer, has to be more than 1 hour to actually achieve something out of it.

I need to pray more. Indulge in longer hours with God instead of wasting it on the computer. To actually understand what my boys & girls, my baobeis, my baby, my gay buddies are going through, or at least what God reveals to me...

To be an effective prayer warrior for God, to discern God's voice. I need to spend even more time with him. Yeah. That just brought me back to focus again. I haven't been doing effective QT for QUITE a long time already, I must add... So many distractions which I haven't been fully able to shut out...

Joel.

It's the end of the week... Finally I get to go for Planet Shakers!

The Spirit of the Lord will be there, definitely, but how much will I be able to let him into my heart? Obviously I desire a change in my life, cos my life's not perfect! Moreover it never will be perfect. But still by the grace of God I'm living on and I'm thankful for that.

My boys & girls are going tomorrow too! I do hope, and really do hope, that God speaks to them, and they listen to His still, silent voice amidst all the noise and bashing of the musical instruments...

I'm going there to engage in prophecy. I still wanna listen to God's voice MORE. I just love it so much when He talks and I sit there and listen.

Yeah.

I know people have benefited from this whole session, and seriously I wish I was there too, but argh.

Bleah.

Never mind! There's still tomorrow! Yay!

Joel.

After having had to run down from camp to Tanjong Gul twice... And tomorrow's the last day, I just can't wait for the weekend. Which'll incidentally be packed with more stuff.... Erk.

I just wanna be at the Planet Shakers conference for the whole 3 days. Thankfully the last day's on a Saturday which means I can go for the full day, rather than not being able to go for anything at all, like last year, while being trapped in Tekong the rest of them had a good time there... Bleah.

In the end, no... Only Saturday, though I ought to be thankful for that. Engaging prophecy... I still need to be more discerning to the voice of God. My discernment's been dulled the past few years already, after I've rejected His Word for so long.

Tomorrow... IPPT station I/C duties in the morning, then I'll rush down to Tanjong Gul at like 10am... Whoo. I'm tired.

I'll just wait for the week to end. Even after sleeping 8 hours last night I'm still tired. Quite piggy ain't I?

zZzZzZzZ.

Joel.

Let's just say I'm home early after a day of training at Khatib Camp. And I'm tired. And I'm not living up to the standard that God want me to live. Feeling guilty. It's so darn difficult, the temptation is so great. Even the least I can do, like put in 100% commitment in my work, is impossible. 50%? Almost achievable...

I don't wanna work any more. It's the school holidays, reminiscent of the past years when I've been in school. Bleah. It's not as if I wanted to work now, but I'm enslaved to the nation. Any other choice?

I wanna go for the full Synergiz Conference! However, can I? No... Work commitments at Tanjong Gul on Thursday and Friday prevent me from being actually able to do so. What the...

Never mind. Work is always more important. I just wanna go for the church camp! But whether or not my leave will be approved... Is another story altogether.

I hate NS.

Joel.

And I'm NOT out buying no 1's birthday present today. Procrastination. Laziness in delaying it to Good Friday, probably going out with Baby Huang & my no 2, no 3, in finding something cute, useful, and especially YELLOW.

Hmm. Yeah. what can I get? I dunno.

Next week's gonna be rather relaxed, most of time gonna be spent out of camp... Tuesday at Khatib, Wednesday & Thursday at this super ulu place called Tanjong Gul Camp, Friday back in camp to be an IPPT station I/C before heading out to Tanjong Gul again.

Fun? It also depends on what time the training ends on these days...

Anyways, this week's the holiday week, I'd advise everyone to make the best use of their spare holiday time already. What Matthew told me just now over the phone was quite true, that the more bored you are the easier it is for satan to slip in and cause havoc in oyur mind, that you'll be enticed to sin... How? It's very easy. The Internet is a minefield of sin. Go figure.

Yeah. I suppose, for my baobeis, as well as my boys & girls... It's time to get closer to God! Use your time wisely.

Joel.

With a $140-a-month pay rise and being able to share about the works of God with Clinton & Jackson, why not? I've got this urge to share with them even more. Clinton, Jackson, OCS, Choon Wei & even 2LT Samuel Huang. Why not? We've gone through so much crap together and I think it's only appropriate that I tell them the best news they'll ever hear in their lives...

Yesterday was another outpouring of the Spirit. More things about my baobeis that God spoke about, more things to pray about them for. Not just the ordinary test here & there but rather their growth, their obedience, a willingness to follow! Commitment must be 100%...

Today... I'm waiting expectantly for more to flow.

Joel.

Time to get in a quick blog update or so. This week's been fantabulous. Just 2 days of going for the Week of Waiting in church and God's been talking so much. And He's talked much in the past but I haven't listened for a long while. I know that makes Him sad, and I resolve not to be like that in the future.

Was praying over my boys & girls last night, as well as my baobeis & the big baby, And God was just showing me what was happening... It's so darn cool man! All that, achieved in the space of 3-4 hours, when I would usually spend that time in the evenings on MSN/games/nothing else.

Reading through Songs of Solomon has definitely enhanced my view of why God loves me so. God is love, and He will never forsake me!

We take the first step to decide whether we actually want to talk to God & have a meaningful dialogue with Him.

Lord, I commit my boys & girls, my baobeis, my colleagues & my other NS friends in your hands right now... Trusting that You will take care of them in their daily lives and You love them so much that You only want the best for them! In Your Son's precious name, Amen!

Joel. :-)

On duty today, nothing memorable happening whatsoever. I'm thankful for that.

Nothing significant happening over this whole week either, save for that YA outing at East Coast this weekend. And I might have a training clash with that, I'll see how I can work it out! Man. The ignominy of the SAF.

I just hope it doesn't rain on Saturday.

I wanna go cycling on Saturday. It'd be such a great feeling going with a significant other, and sitting down on the beach feeling the breeze on your cheek, and laughing into the sunset. But there's no significant other right now, and I'm just gonna play games and get the treasure hunt participants thrown into the water. Somehow.

Maybe at this point in time I'm just confused. What should I do? I feel like I've got a thousand things breathing down my neck, and I'm so glad whenever the weekend arrives. How do I sort that out? I don't know...

My boys, my girls. My baobeis. My colleagues. My work. My interpersonal relationships. My drumming. The NS guys. There's a heck load of things to settle next week. Am I getting stressed out yet? No, I've still got spare time to play C & C Generals when I feel I ought to be doing something more useful. And mercifully God's keeping me from thinking too much about it and getting stressed up... Thinking too much about something can actually harm yourself.

I don't know. Am I running away from it all? Running from what? I don't know again.

Whatever.

Joel.

Has been rather special. I feel God speaking, wanting me to change so many aspects of my life...

Firstly: Yesterday. The talk on BGR by Tony was a rather refreshing perspective of relationships per se. Casual friends, close friends, intimate (best) friends, etc. Of course, it's definitely not wise to skip the casual and suddenly go on to the intimate stage, especially when people feel like that toward their crushes! BGR is not just about dating, but healthy relationships with other members of the opposite gender!

The way Grace talked after CG time, too... I'm deciding to place even more faith in seeking God's heart... I haven't been doing that for quite a while, but I want to dedicate more time to that now. It's gonna be difficult but I'm gonna do it, definitely.

Today: Controlling the tongue. I'm living a life of duplicity with my tongue right now, falling into the same situation which James berated the church in the past with. How can cursing and blessing come out of the same mouth? Does fresh water flow in the same stream as salt water?

Obviously not. And I'm gonna work at that too.

And to care even more for my boys, girls & baobeis. I'll see how it works out.

Joel.

Dammit! A waste of $6.50... Warching White Noise yesterday... Especially when my friends told me we were gonna watch Hitch.

Moreover, I don't watch things that do not portray my beliefs. For example, that ghosts exist. Once people die their souls go to Heaven or to Hell, there is no third place. Ghosts? Spirits of people long dead? Utter nonsense. Totally unbiblical, blasphemous, whatever. But because it is a movie, supported with a quote from Thomas Edison about EVP (Electronic Voice Procedure) that lends credibility to it...

Right. I don't believe in ghosts. Neither do I believe in communicating with the dead. Seances at best are hoaxes. If you actually do manage to "communicate" with the dead it's at best an evil spirit, one of satan's minions, up to mischievous misdeeds again.

The power of God far surpasses anything on earth. Anyone that satan wants to scare using the supernatural or the occult ought to be rooted in the firm truth of the Bible! No soul can ever cross over from the dead to the living realm, only unless God orders it so, like the case of Samuel's spirit reappearing to Saul and the resurrection of Lazarus from the dead.

It was so obvious yesterday that mortal man cannot do anything against the evil forces of the devil. What we need is God's help to over come it, nothing else. man is by far powerless to do anything, whereas God is perfect. So why not turn to Him for help?

Never fear. Ghosts never exist. Anything else will just be pranks pulled on people. Like what I do. Hehe.

Joel. White Noise is more like trash.